Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an
hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S
relativity.
- Albert Einstein
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working
the moment you get up in the morning and does not
stop until you get into the office.
- Robert Frost
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
- Franklin P. Jones
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain
the success of those we don't like?
- Jean Cocturan
It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful.
It's the transition that's troublesome.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will
remember you when he is in trouble again.
Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers.
It is not exactly cheating, I prefer to consider it creative problem solving.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Forgive your enemies but remember their names.
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Don't worry that the world ends today, it's already tomorrow in Australia!
Thursday, August 9, 2007
How smart you right leg..?
This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And if you are anywhere
near as stubborn as I am, you will keep trying at least a few more times to
see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make
clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6″ in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so. And, there's nothing you can do about it!
Go ahead KEEP TRYING ALL YOU WANT!
near as stubborn as I am, you will keep trying at least a few more times to
see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make
clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6″ in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.
I told you so. And, there's nothing you can do about it!
Go ahead KEEP TRYING ALL YOU WANT!
Surprising answers..
A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of
her students
The teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"
Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade! .My sister is in
the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office.
While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would
give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was
to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed
to take the test.
Princi! pal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9″.
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36″.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy.
can go to the third-grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy. both agree.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."
M! s Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,
oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And
sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could
stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting
down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's ey! es open
really wide and before he could stop the answer…
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're
bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was
looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot
of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get
it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men
than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife
after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots
of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this Boy. to Delhi University, I got the last ten questions
wrong myself!"
her students
The teacher asked,"Boy. what is your problem?"
Boy. answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade! .My sister is in
the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
third-grade too!"
Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office.
While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would
give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was
to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed
to take the test.
Princi! pal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9″.
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36″.
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy.
can go to the third-grade."
Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy. both agree.
Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."
M! s Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."
Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy,
oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut
Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And
sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could
stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum
Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting
down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's ey! es open
really wide and before he could stop the answer…
Boy.: Shake hands
Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.
Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent
Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're
bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was
looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring
Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose
Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
quiver.
Boy.: Arrow
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot
of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck
Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get
it u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork
Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men
than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife
after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME
Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots
of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
"Send this Boy. to Delhi University, I got the last ten questions
wrong myself!"
Cool leave letters
This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people
in various places of India…
1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my
wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was
performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was
performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for
it, please grant me 10 days leave."
5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may
not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request
you to leave me today"
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
9. Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith…"
10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…"
11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home
I may be granted leave".
12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist
and an Accountant - Male or Female'… As I am both(!! )for the
past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am
applying for the post.
in various places of India…
1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my
wife, please sanction me one-week leave.
2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was
performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was
performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."
4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for
it, please grant me 10 days leave."
5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may
not return, please grant me half day casual leave"
6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request
you to leave me today"
8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."
9. Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith…"
10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below…"
11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home
I may be granted leave".
12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist
and an Accountant - Male or Female'… As I am both(!! )for the
past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am
applying for the post.
Taken from actual Hallmark cards:
Taken from actual Hallmark cards:
just enjoy….
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that
you've come into my life…
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life…
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am….
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me ..
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go….
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need
it again.
5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me…
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your
promise.
7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was
only one life jacket…
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .
9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday…
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but
wonder…..
(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking
11. I'm so miserable without you…
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
12. Thank you for being part of my life…..
(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!
13. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
14. How can I say this….
(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me
15. Hooray…..
(Inside card) - You're divorced.
16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened…
(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.
17. Congrats on getting married…
(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.
18. Someday I hope to marry…
(inside card) - Someone other than you.
19. We have been friends for a very long time…
(inside card) - What do you say we stop?
just enjoy….
1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that
you've come into my life…
(Inside card) - I've changed my mind.
2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life…
(Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you.
3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am….
(Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me ..
4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go….
(Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need
it again.
5. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age….
(Inside card) - Almost lifelike!
6. When we were together, you said you'd die for me…
(Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your
promise.
7. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy….
(Inside card) - Did you ever find out who the father was?
8. You are such a good friend. If we were on a sinking ship and there was
only one life jacket…
(Inside card) - I'd miss you terribly and think of you often .
9. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday…
(Inside card) - So we're having you put to sleep.
10. Looking back over the years that we have been together, I can't help but
wonder…..
(Inside card) - What the hell was I thinking
11. I'm so miserable without you…
(Inside card) - It's almost like you're still here.
12. Thank you for being part of my life…..
(Inside card) - I never knew what evil was until I met you!
13. Congratulations on your wedding day!
(Inside card) - Too bad no one likes your husband.
14. How can I say this….
(Inside card) - Your cooking kills me
15. Hooray…..
(Inside card) - You're divorced.
16. I just want you to know that I'm sorry for what happened…
(Inside card) - Especially since you survived.
17. Congrats on getting married…
(Inside card) - It's not everyday you decide to ruin your life.
18. Someday I hope to marry…
(inside card) - Someone other than you.
19. We have been friends for a very long time…
(inside card) - What do you say we stop?
Nice sayings
Really Nice…..
* There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, my salary isn't sufficient!!
* I try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
* They can't fire me, slaves have to be sold.
* Home is where the television is.
* Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
* Death is hereditary.
* Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
* Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
* When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
* Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
* Well done is better than well said.
* Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
* Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
* You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
* I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
* If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
* Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.
* The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train.
* Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
* I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
* Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go
Wrong that one can't blame on the government.
* There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
* An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound
Confusing.
And finally
* Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
* There are some things that money can't buy. For everything else, my salary isn't sufficient!!
* I try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
* They can't fire me, slaves have to be sold.
* Home is where the television is.
* Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.
* Death is hereditary.
* Many things can be preserved in alcohol. Dignity is not one of them.
* Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
* When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.
* Experience is what a comb gives you after you lose your hair.
* Well done is better than well said.
* Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make them when nobody is looking.
* Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
* You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
* I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
* If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
* Pessimist: A person that looks both ways when crossing a one way street.
* The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an approaching train.
* Where there's a will there are five hundred relatives.
* I have a drinking problem - I can't afford it.
* Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go
Wrong that one can't blame on the government.
* There are three sides to every argument: your side, my side and the right side.
* An expert is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound
Confusing.
And finally
* Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Quality lesson...
A group of alumni, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university lecturer. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the lecturer went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups: porcelain, plastic, glass, some plain-looking and some expensive and exquisite, telling them to help themselves to hot coffee.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.
"While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress".
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups." "Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."
So don't let the cups drive you…enjoy the coffee instead.
When all the students had a cup of coffee in hand, the lecturer said: "If you noticed, all the nice-looking, expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones.
"While it is but normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress".
What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the better cups and are eyeing each other's cups." "Now, if Life is coffee, then the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, but the quality of Life doesn't change."
Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee in it."
So don't let the cups drive you…enjoy the coffee instead.
Very serious matter
Why India loss in the 2003 world cup finals?
Reason:
Just in case you were still wondering as to why India lost the final of the
2003 world cup after playing so well in the league games, probably here lies the answer…..
The teams that qualified for the super six stage…
India , Sri Lanka , Australia , New Zealand , Kenya ,Zimbabwe .
Note there are two teams each from the continents of Asia ,Australasia &
Africa respectively ..
The teams that have the last alphabet "a" in their names qualified for the
semifinals viz.
Indi'a' , Australi'a' , Keny'a' & Sri Lank'a'.
The teams that have alphabets "ia" at the last of their name qualified for
the Final i.e
Ind "ia" & Austral"ia ".
Now,
Kisne World Cup "lia" - Austra"lia"
Kisne World Cup "dia" - In"dia"
Reason:
Just in case you were still wondering as to why India lost the final of the
2003 world cup after playing so well in the league games, probably here lies the answer…..
The teams that qualified for the super six stage…
India , Sri Lanka , Australia , New Zealand , Kenya ,Zimbabwe .
Note there are two teams each from the continents of Asia ,Australasia &
Africa respectively ..
The teams that have the last alphabet "a" in their names qualified for the
semifinals viz.
Indi'a' , Australi'a' , Keny'a' & Sri Lank'a'.
The teams that have alphabets "ia" at the last of their name qualified for
the Final i.e
Ind "ia" & Austral"ia ".
Now,
Kisne World Cup "lia" - Austra"lia"
Kisne World Cup "dia" - In"dia"
Forgotten rules.. but true..
Some Rules that NEWTON forgot to mention
Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start
to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an
engaged tone.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know
increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine
won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle
arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is
cold.
Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start
to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an
engaged tone.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least
accessible corner.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because
you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know
increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine
won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely
proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle
arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your
boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is
cold.
Never make..........
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her "Hello - How are you! We've been waiting for you! Good to see you."
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked. "Love." The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer!
How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," the woman told him. "Which word?" her husband asked. "Czechoslovakia."
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry… There will be Hell to pay later!
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," Saint Peter told her. "Which word?" the woman asked. "Love." The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. "I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the multi-state lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer!
How do I get in?" "You have to spell a word," the woman told him. "Which word?" her husband asked. "Czechoslovakia."
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry… There will be Hell to pay later!
How hard is to understand...
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources.
I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time.
Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Cool resignation letter
Poetic Resignation
---------------------
The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.
The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!
The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.
I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.
Thanks & Regards
Employee
---------------------
The name is good, the brand is big
But the work I do is that of a pig
The work or the brand; what is my way?
I don't know if I should stay.
To work, they have set their own way
Nobody will care to hear what I say
My will be NULL, they wont change their way
I don't know if I should stay.
The project is in a critical stage
But to do good work, this is the age
This dilemma is killing me day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The money is good, the place is great
But the development is at a very small rate
Should I go for the work, or wait for pay
I don't know if I should stay!
The managers don't know what they talk
The team doesn't know where they walk
That's a bad situation, what say?
I don't know if I should stay.
I can go to any other place
But what if I get the same disgrace
I can't keep switching day by day
I don't know if I should stay.
The -ves are more, the +ves are less
Then why have this unnecessary mess
No more will I walk their way,
It's all done, I won't stay.
Thanks & Regards
Employee
Cool short messages
January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed…….
u….
R….
always….
a HEADACHE to me !!!!
-----------
When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u an eye specialist !!
----------
If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
-----------
During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.
----------
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"
-----------------
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire….. continues with smoke…..and ends in ashes…
But dont worry - we are chain smokers
-----------
ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best
-------------
True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
------------------
Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?
---------------
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water….!!!
----------------
when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ………pick d phone idiot
---------------
Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence …
Student : WOW !
----------------------
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
----------------
History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir….
-----------------
Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed…….
u….
R….
always….
a HEADACHE to me !!!!
-----------
When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u an eye specialist !!
----------
If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage
-----------
During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse ?
He is given his last chance to run away.
----------
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"
-----------------
LOVE is like a CIGAR
It starts with a fire….. continues with smoke…..and ends in ashes…
But dont worry - we are chain smokers
-----------
ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best
-------------
True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain & u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true love
spend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow
------------------
Dear Friend,
when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?
---------------
I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water….!!!
----------------
when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means ………pick d phone idiot
---------------
Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road. change it to exclamatory sentence …
Student : WOW !
----------------------
A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..
----------------
History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir….
-----------------
Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide
Funny quotes about marriage
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once…
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
MiltonBerle
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas
The great question… which I have not been able to answer… is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud
I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous
"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman
"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison
"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran
"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once…
Anonymous
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
MiltonBerle
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
May I know the time please?!
May I know the time please?!
Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?
Old Man: Certainly not.
Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,
if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the
time.
Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will
definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will
ask me the time.
Young Man:
Quite possible.
Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you
will ask my name and address.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you
were just passing by and came into wish me.
Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea.
After my courteous approach you will try to come
again.
This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made
it.?
Young Man: Possible
Old Man: made itThen I will tell you that my daughter
has and I will then
have to introduce my young and
pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.
Young Man: Smiles.
Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter
again and again. You will offer her to go out for a
movie together and a date with you.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start
waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall
in love with her and propose her for marriage.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and
tell
me about your love and ask for my permission.
Young Man: Oh Yes! and smiles
Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my
Daughter to a person like you who does not even own a
Watch
Young Man: Sir, may I know the time, please?
Old Man: Certainly not.
Young Man: Sir, but why? What are you going to loose,
if you tell me the time?
Old Man: Yes, I may loose something if I tell you the
time.
Young Man: But Sir, can you tell me how?
Old Man : See, if I tell you the time you will
definitely thank me and may be tomorrow again you will
ask me the time.
Young Man:
Quite possible.
Old Man: May be we meet two three times more and you
will ask my name and address.
Young Man: Quite possible.
Old Man: One day you may come to my house saying you
were just passing by and came into wish me.
Then as a courtsey, I will offer you a cup of tea.
After my courteous approach you will try to come
again.
This time you will appreciate tea and ask who has made
it.?
Young Man: Possible
Old Man: made itThen I will tell you that my daughter
has and I will then
have to introduce my young and
pretty daughter to you &; you will admire my daughter.
Young Man: Smiles.
Old Man: Now onwards you will try to meet my daughter
again and again. You will offer her to go out for a
movie together and a date with you.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: My daughter may start liking you and start
waiting for you. After meeting regularly you will fall
in love with her and propose her for marriage.
Young Man: Smiles
Old Man: One day both of you will come to me and
tell
me about your love and ask for my permission.
Young Man: Oh Yes! and smiles
Old Man: (Angrily) Young man, I will never marry my
Daughter to a person like you who does not even own a
Watch
What is Love.....?
A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat
field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back
to pick."
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat,
but he wonders….may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one… but may be there is an even bigger
one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts to
realise that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he
knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teacher
told him, "…this is love… you keep looking for better ones, but
when later you realise, you have already missed the person.
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat
field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back
to pick."
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat,
but he wonders….may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one… but may be there is an even bigger
one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he starts to
realise that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he
knew he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teacher
told him, "…this is love… you keep looking for better ones, but
when later you realise, you have already missed the person.
Cool Facts
The queen of England does not have the right to vote in any British election.
The queen of England has two birthdays.
The Queen termite can live up to 50 years and have 30,000 children every day.
The raised reflective dots in the middle of highways are called Botts
The rapid rate of expansion of gas is what gives steam its power. One volume of water, at normal atmospheric pressure and at the boiling point, yields 1,670 volume of steam.
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
The reason most mosquito bites itch is because mosquitoes inject saliva into the persons skin before they suck your blood. They take it out once they are done, but if they are forced to fly away, they don't get a chance to draw the saliva out. And it is their saliva that causes the itch.
The reason why the very beginning of The Wizard of Oz is black and white, is because color was not available at that point. When color was available, the writers decided to start using it in Munchkinland.
The record for the biggest one day rainfall was set on Reunion Island in the Indian Ocean, on March 15, 1952, where 74 inches of rain fell in 24 hours.
The record for the most weddings is held by King Mogul of Siam, who had 9000 weddings and 9000 wives.
The red capes used to taunt bulls in bullfights is the same shade of red as the bull's blood. That way you can't tell it is covered with the bull's blood by the end of the fight. Fight spectators like bullfighting, but not blood.`
The red kangaroo of Australia can jump 27 feet in one bound.
The red sea is not red.
The red spot on the 7up cans comes from it's inventor. He was an albino (albinos have red eyes).
The regular garden variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head.
The Republic of Israel was established April 23, 1948.
The revolving door was invented August 7, 1888, by Theophilus Van Kannel, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
The Ribbon worm will start eating itself to avoid starvation
The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding or milling.
The right lung is slightly larger than the left
The right side of a boat was called the starboard side due to the fact that the astronavigators used to stand out on the plank (which was on the right side) to get an unobstructed view of the stars. The left side was called the port side because that was the side that you put in on at the port.
The river Danube empties into the Black Sea.
The rose family of plants, in addition to flowers, gives us apples, pears, plums, cherries, almonds, peaches and apricots.
The rosy periwinkle plant, found in Madagascar, is used to cure leukemia.
The rumble that is created when a Harley's engine runs has been patented by the company
The Russian Imperial Necklace has been loaned out by Joseff jewelers of Hollywood for 1,215 different feature films.
The S in Harry S Truman stands for nothing.
The safety pin was patented in 1849 by Walter Hunt. He sold the patent rights for $400.
The Sahara Desert expands at a rate of about 1 km each month.
The Sahara desert is larger as Europe and large then the combined areas of next largest 9 deserts.
The Sahara Desert is over twice as big as the second largest desert in the world, The Australian Desert. The Sahara is 3.5 million square miles compared to the 1.47 million square miles of the Australian. This is "true" in the generic sense of the Autralian Desert. There is no Australian Desert. It is divided into many different deserts. What would be true would be to say the Sahara is bigger than the desert space in Australia (which is A LOT not sure how much as a percentage of the total land mass of australia).
The sailfish can swim faster than a horse can gallop.
The saluki is the oldest known breed of domesticated dog. Carvings of animals resembling the saluki have been found in excavations of the Sumerian Empire. They are believed to have originated from between 6,000 and 7,000 B.C.
The salute of uniform bodies (eg. army, police) originated from knights who lifted their visors to show their face to a royalty.
The same material that is used to make bulletproof glass is also used in Tupperware's Rock 'n Serve containers. The container, however, is not entirely bulletproof. Due to the lifetime warrantee on Tupperware products, the company will replace it for FREE! (Just in case you're in quick need of a shield and a Rock 'n Serve is the only thing handy)
The San Diego Zoo in California has the largest collection of animals in the world.
The sandwich is named for the Fourth Earl of Sandwich (1718-92), for whom sandwiches were made so that he could stay at the gambling table without interruptions for meals.
The Santa Maria was the only one of Columbus's ships not to return to Spain. It hit a reef on December 5, 1492 and sank.
The saying 'once in a blue moon ' refers to the occurrence of two full moons during one calendar month. The last two occurred in January & March 1999. The next one isn't until the end of 2001.
The science-fiction series "Lost in Space" (set in the year 1997) premiered on CBS in 1965.
The sea contains about 1/2 of the world's known animal groups
The Sea of tranquility is found on the moon.
The SEALs have been deployed in Vietnam, Laos, Panama, Bosnia, Haiti, Somalia, and Colombia.
The search engine "Lycos" is named for Lycosidae, the Latin name for the wolf spider family. Unlike other spiders that sit passively in their web, wolf spiders are hunters, actively stalking their prey.
The secretary-bird swallow hen's egg whole without breaking its shell.
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog." uses every letter of the alphabet!
The queen of England has two birthdays.
The Queen termite can live up to 50 years and have 30,000 children every day.
The raised reflective dots in the middle of highways are called Botts
The rapid rate of expansion of gas is what gives steam its power. One volume of water, at normal atmospheric pressure and at the boiling point, yields 1,670 volume of steam.
The reason firehouses have circular stairways is from the days of yore when the engines were pulled by horses. The horses were stabled on the ground floor and figured out how to walk up straight staircases.
The reason most mosquito bites itch is because mosquitoes inject saliva into the persons skin before they suck your blood. They take it out once they are done, but if they are forced to fly away, they don't get a chance to draw the saliva out. And it is their saliva that causes the itch.
The reason why the very beginning of The Wizard of Oz is black and white, is because color was not available at that point. When color was available, the writers decided to start using it in Munchkinland.
The record for the biggest one day rainfall was set on Reunion Island in the Indian Ocean, on March 15, 1952, where 74 inches of rain fell in 24 hours.
The record for the most weddings is held by King Mogul of Siam, who had 9000 weddings and 9000 wives.
The red capes used to taunt bulls in bullfights is the same shade of red as the bull's blood. That way you can't tell it is covered with the bull's blood by the end of the fight. Fight spectators like bullfighting, but not blood.`
The red kangaroo of Australia can jump 27 feet in one bound.
The red sea is not red.
The red spot on the 7up cans comes from it's inventor. He was an albino (albinos have red eyes).
The regular garden variety caterpillar has 248 muscles in its head.
The Republic of Israel was established April 23, 1948.
The revolving door was invented August 7, 1888, by Theophilus Van Kannel, of Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.
The Ribbon worm will start eating itself to avoid starvation
The ridges on the sides of coins are called reeding or milling.
The right lung is slightly larger than the left
The right side of a boat was called the starboard side due to the fact that the astronavigators used to stand out on the plank (which was on the right side) to get an unobstructed view of the stars. The left side was called the port side because that was the side that you put in on at the port.
The river Danube empties into the Black Sea.
The rose family of plants, in addition to flowers, gives us apples, pears, plums, cherries, almonds, peaches and apricots.
The rosy periwinkle plant, found in Madagascar, is used to cure leukemia.
The rumble that is created when a Harley's engine runs has been patented by the company
The Russian Imperial Necklace has been loaned out by Joseff jewelers of Hollywood for 1,215 different feature films.
The S in Harry S Truman stands for nothing.
The safety pin was patented in 1849 by Walter Hunt. He sold the patent rights for $400.
The Sahara Desert expands at a rate of about 1 km each month.
The Sahara desert is larger as Europe and large then the combined areas of next largest 9 deserts.
The Sahara Desert is over twice as big as the second largest desert in the world, The Australian Desert. The Sahara is 3.5 million square miles compared to the 1.47 million square miles of the Australian. This is "true" in the generic sense of the Autralian Desert. There is no Australian Desert. It is divided into many different deserts. What would be true would be to say the Sahara is bigger than the desert space in Australia (which is A LOT not sure how much as a percentage of the total land mass of australia).
The sailfish can swim faster than a horse can gallop.
The saluki is the oldest known breed of domesticated dog. Carvings of animals resembling the saluki have been found in excavations of the Sumerian Empire. They are believed to have originated from between 6,000 and 7,000 B.C.
The salute of uniform bodies (eg. army, police) originated from knights who lifted their visors to show their face to a royalty.
The same material that is used to make bulletproof glass is also used in Tupperware's Rock 'n Serve containers. The container, however, is not entirely bulletproof. Due to the lifetime warrantee on Tupperware products, the company will replace it for FREE! (Just in case you're in quick need of a shield and a Rock 'n Serve is the only thing handy)
The San Diego Zoo in California has the largest collection of animals in the world.
The sandwich is named for the Fourth Earl of Sandwich (1718-92), for whom sandwiches were made so that he could stay at the gambling table without interruptions for meals.
The Santa Maria was the only one of Columbus's ships not to return to Spain. It hit a reef on December 5, 1492 and sank.
The saying 'once in a blue moon ' refers to the occurrence of two full moons during one calendar month. The last two occurred in January & March 1999. The next one isn't until the end of 2001.
The science-fiction series "Lost in Space" (set in the year 1997) premiered on CBS in 1965.
The sea contains about 1/2 of the world's known animal groups
The Sea of tranquility is found on the moon.
The SEALs have been deployed in Vietnam, Laos, Panama, Bosnia, Haiti, Somalia, and Colombia.
The search engine "Lycos" is named for Lycosidae, the Latin name for the wolf spider family. Unlike other spiders that sit passively in their web, wolf spiders are hunters, actively stalking their prey.
The secretary-bird swallow hen's egg whole without breaking its shell.
The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog." uses every letter of the alphabet!
Kids in a school think quick
TEACHER : Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is…
TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right… "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
__________________________________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.
MARIA : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Maria!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank?
FRANK : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
GLENN : K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
GLENN : Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD : H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
DONALD : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE : Me!
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Goss, why do you always get so dirty?
GOSS : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Millie, give me a sentence starting with "I."
MILLIE : I is…
TEACHER : No, Millie….. Always say, "I am."
MILLIE : All right… "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
TINO: Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
LOUIS : Because George still had the ax in his hand.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
___________________________________________________________
TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!;
__________________________________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
What is your Japanese name?
Ur Japanese Name
What is your Japanese name?
Take each letter of your name and substitute it with the Japanese sound to the right of the letter. Names might be kinda long.
A- ka * B- tu * C- mi * D- te * E- ku * F- lu * G- ji * >
H- ri * I- ki * J- zu * K- me * L- ta * M- rin * N- to * >
O-mo * P- no * Q- ke * R- shi * S- ari * T-chi * >
U- do * V- ru * W-mei * X-na * Y- fu * Z- zi
*********
PUT YOUR NAMES IN JAPANESE AND TRY PRONOUNCING IT....
What is your Japanese name?
Take each letter of your name and substitute it with the Japanese sound to the right of the letter. Names might be kinda long.
A- ka * B- tu * C- mi * D- te * E- ku * F- lu * G- ji * >
H- ri * I- ki * J- zu * K- me * L- ta * M- rin * N- to * >
O-mo * P- no * Q- ke * R- shi * S- ari * T-chi * >
U- do * V- ru * W-mei * X-na * Y- fu * Z- zi
*********
PUT YOUR NAMES IN JAPANESE AND TRY PRONOUNCING IT....
ITS FUN!!!!
Good prescription
Calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.”
My dear boss
A guy phones up his Boss, but gets the bosses' wife instead:
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
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"Because. . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."
"I'm afraid he died last week." she explains.
The next day the man calls again and asks for the boss.
"I told you" the wife replies, "he died last week."
The next day he calls again and once more asks to speak to his boss. By this time the wife is getting upset and shouts:
"I'VE ALREADY TOLD YOU TWICE, MY HUSBAND, YOUR BOSS, DIED LAST WEEK! WHY DO YOU KEEP CALLING?"
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"Because. . ." he replied laughing, "I just love hearing it. . . ."
Call free to your friends anywhere
Hi all,
Here is a site where you can call entirely free of charge to your loved once.
Just go and hit the go and feel the freedom.
www.jaxtr.com
Cool ma...
See you...
Here is a site where you can call entirely free of charge to your loved once.
Just go and hit the go and feel the freedom.
www.jaxtr.com
Cool ma...
See you...
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